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…Both are essentially psychodramas based on fast-changing alliances and betrayals...
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...Both demand that people who loathe each other will nevertheless team up in order to stay in the game...
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…Simpering is required in both arenas to win over the public, but regardless of performance, voters will complain about the protagonists’ lack of moral compass…
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…Finally, in each world, the lead characters always come to realise that splits are damaging and that all careers – whether in politics or opening nightclubs – end in a vale of tears’
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IT’S BACK! - Shipwrecked is Love Island without the beautiful people and nice swimwear and it’s back so...
Shipwrecked
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...if you want to be on Love Island but don’t make the cut in the looks department apply for Shipwrecked as ’You’ll make friends, memories, and possibly a bucket load of cash… All while you tan to perfection! We’re looking for people who are totally EXTRA...’
Shipwrecked Audition
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...but he does have a haircut like that of England and Man U footballer Jesse Lingard who...
Jesse Lingard Instagram
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...has been auditioning for Love Island 2019 with some of his England teammates : how else to explain the abs, pool, unicorn pool floats?
England Instagram
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UNCOUPLING – Adam and Rosie uncouple but it’s not a ‘conscious uncoupling’ like that of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, ‘a proven process for lovingly completing a relationship that will leave you feeling whole and healed and at peace’ (Katherine Woodward Thomas, psychotherapist and author)
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THE NODDING GAME - Rosie ’It’s just like a big game to you’ : Adam ’Don’t ****ing nod at me’
Love Island YouTube
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MEET JACK - ’I’m Jack...literally I’ve got every single pen that you can think of’
Love Island YouTube
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SELL ME THIS PEN! - Jack Fincham now the highest-profile pen salesman on the planet since...er...The Wolf of Wall Street!
luiz 522 YouTube
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ESSEX ISLAND - Essex diaspora on Love Island swollen by arrival of civil servant Zara McDermott : the government adviser / former model is described by her mother as ’very academic’ and ’passionate about making a difference’
Radio Times YouTube
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CAREER MOVE - Zara McDermott on unpaid career break from her job at the Department for Education : the civil service code says workers must show integrity and professionalism while away from government or risk dismissal
UK News YouTube
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BRO CODE - similar to the Civil Service Code, the Bro Code is a set of rules for bros : 1) bros before hoes 2) thou shalt not sleep with your bro’s ex-girlfriend etc etc
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HOE CODE - unwritten but immutable rules for Love Island females : 1) profess attraction to Dr ’Unlucky In Love’ Alex 2) fancy Adam 3) couple up with Adam 4) get dumped by Adam 5) end of
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LOVE ISLAND LEXICON – early doors, Jack helpfully pointed out to Love Island viewers that ’Jack and Dani’ is a homonym for ’Jack and Danny’ which is Cockney Rhyming Slang for ’fanny’
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EARLY DOORS? – ‘early doors’ is a term favoured by footballers to mean ‘early in the game’ but is also Rhyming Slang for ‘drawers’ which in turn is slang for ‘long underpants’
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