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ADIOS NIALL - say goodbye because Niall has left the building for’personal reasons’ : LoveIslander checking archives to see if anyone else has ever quit



Niall Aslam Instagram

 
EX FILES - Laura Anderson, 29, (age now verified by Daily Mail after trolls unkindly suggested she was older) and described as ‘Our Mile-High Minx’ used to go out with...


 
Love Island YouTube

 
...former pro rugby player Max Evans (34) who dumped her for American actress Katie Johnson (they married in 2014 but split two years later) and who was a finalist in Dancing on Ice 2018 unlike...


 
Dancing On Ice YouTube

 
...his younger taller brother Thom Evans (33) also a former pro rugby player now model / actor who appeared on Strictly 12 and who used to go out with...



Thom Evans Instagram

 
...Kelly Brook who has absolutely no connection to Wes Nelson, 20, who has ’dated people who are Instagram famous but no actual celebrities’ who is coupled up with older woman Laura Anderson. However the Evans bros are cousins of DJ Chris Evans who...


 
Love Island YouTube

 
...LoveIslander now too exhausted to make further connections so here’s a pic of Wes ’No Actual Celebrities’ Nelson and Adam ’No Actual Nickname’ Collard in a Love Island abs off, and the winner is...



Wes Nelson Instagram

 
BLAME IT ON THE ISLAND - ’Where did all the hairy chests go? I blame Love Island. Six men in trunks and not a wisp between them...blokes down the pub are shaving their chests as habitually as women do their legs. We must look to Ross Poldark...’ (Carol Midgley, The Times)


 
POLDARKED YouTube

 
HIP EYAL - Eyal personal brand developing nicely as evidenced by this from DJ Grimmy : ’Listen, not to sound full hippy like Eyal from Love Island, but me and Fifi follow this thing on Instagram and it tells you about the moon’ (Nick Grimshaw, The Sun). Fifi is Grimmy’s producer btw, in case you were wondering
BARD ISLAND – ‘I see parallels with Shakespeare…the whole premise of the show reminds me of a Shakespeare play…(Dr Sally Bayley on Love Island in Daily Mail)


 
Dr Sally Bayley

 
TELL US MORE, DR SALLY - ’... it’s similar to the messy romance Troilus and Cressida...In the play all the courtship is done by the go-between figure...On Love Island, the go-between is the prying TV camera as well as the other contestants…
THAT’S DEEP! (AS EYAL WOULD SAY) - …Flirtation becomes a consumer sport. Everyone gets involved with the ludicrous language games played by these silly infants competing for sexual attention…
LIKE, WOW! - … Indeed, the language they use is childish… The contestants are kids who seem to want a Marvel comic-book version of a partner…’
WHAT’S IN A NAME? ’That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet’ (Shakespeare, ’Romeo and Juliet’)


 
24/7 News YouTube

 
WHATSHISNAME - Hayley often can’t remember let alone pronounce the name of the boy she’s coupled with (it’s Eyal, btw) so LoveIslander respectfully suggests...
MY FAIR HAYLEY - Call him ’Al’...Like Al...Now say your name followed by ’Al’...Like Hayl-ee Al...That’s it, well done, now drop the ’Hayl’ bit and you’re left with?.. Like hyphen ee Al...Almost, forget the hyphen and the ’like’...ee Al...What was that?...eeAl...Again...eeal...I think she’s got it!..eyal...By George she’s got it. Now once again, what’s his name?.. Eyal, Eyal


 
My Fair Lady YouTube

 
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING - Shakepeare play deals with love, rejection, fidelity : ’Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea and one on shore, To one thing constant never’. Love Island love rat Adam dumps Kendall for Rosie...
...interesting that ’nothing’ was Elizabethan slang for ’vagina’ and ’noting’, which sounded similar to ’nothing’, meant ’gossip, rumour and overhearing’
GAME COUPLE - This is Hayley. She’s dismayed that ’partner’ Eyal sees Love Island as a game. LoveIslander fears semantic misunderstanding could trigger a ’conscious uncoupling’ in the style of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin!


 
Love Island YouTube

 
GAME BOY - This is Eyal, bearded amateur philosopher / professional model. Eyal : ’It’s mad. This is a game’ Hayley : ‘Is it a game? I thought you didn’t have a game plan?’ Eyal : ‘I don’t have a game plan but this whole thing is made to be a game’ Hayley : ‘It’s not a game, it’s only a game if you want it to be a game’ Eyal : ‘This is a game’


 
Love Island YouTube

 
CALM DOWN – chill, Hayley, he’s only referencing Shakespeare. ’The game’s afoot’ from Henry V, seeing as you ask…
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