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GAME ON - Love Island is VOed (voiceovered, try to keep up) by Iain Stirling who has an evening job as host of CelebAbility : ’Do a group of 5 mates have what it takes to take on 5 celebrities in the ultimate battle of *ahem* "skills"? Iain Stirling presents the spanking new series of outrageous celebrity game show CelebAbility on ITV2’


 
ITV2 YouTube

 
ONE LINERS - Iain ’One Line’ Stirling is a presenter and stand up comedian who studied law at University of Edinburgh so he should have spotted the grammatical error above : ’Do a group’ should be ’Does a group’ coz ’group’ is singular, innit? Enough Percy Pedanticism because...


 
This Morning

 
...Iain came up with the genius ’A & E’ couple name for Alex and Ellie (Alex is an Accident & Emergency doctor, geddit?)...
...but A & E has gone tits up so its ’All over and End of’ now, added to which...


 
Love Island

 
... Waura (Wes + Laura) is at war over semantic misunderstandings, a situation complicated by ’Laura and Megan in EXPLOSIVE row as fight for Wes begins’...


 
BrideSide YouTube

 
...after Eyal ’Is There Something Deeper?’ Booker splits from Megan ’No, There’s Something Missing’ Barton Hanson...


 
Love Island YouTube

 
...unlike A-Z (Adam said ’I’m bang into Zara’, so Adam into Zara, Adam to Zara, A to Z, A-Z...LoveIslander is available for VO and PA bookings at the usual fee) which is surprisingly strong given Adam’s MO
RECOUPLING - three way recoupling involving Wes + Laura, Alex + Ellie and Eyal + Megan gives 6 possible couple names : Wellie, Wegan, Alaura, Algan, Eyaura and Eyellie
LADIES FIRST - more couple name permutations if girls go first...work ’em yourself, does Love Islander have to do everything?
SAME SEX - even more possibilities with same-sex couple names : Walex , Weyal, Mellie, Maura etc, etc...is there anything in the LI contract about same-sex coupling?
SUMMARY - Jani, Jogia, 2Sam, A-Z are sound but A & E and Eymeg are toast and Waura is on the rocks with Wes about to jump ship for Megan (from Eymeg) to become Wegan
NEXT - Eyal so hacked off at Megan bolting that his reaction to announcement of ’Snog, Marry, Pie’ game is only FS instead of FFS but...


 
Snog, Marry, Pie YouTube

 
...sensing a chance with Ellie (formerly A & E with Alex) he chats her up with the classic ’I think I’ve had bad luck in here’ line in the hope that playing the sympathy card will lead to an Eyellie situation but his bad luck is about to get even worse and ’in here’ is soon to be ’outta here’
DIVIDE BY 3 - ’If You Don’t Know Me By Now’ Love island game included a sex scores section but nobody had told the girls about the golden ’rule of three’...correction, just in, they had divided by three, possibly more in some cases


 
Love Island YouTube

 
NUMBERS GAME - Adam ’I’ve Had Em’ Collard came in at 200..ish
BONKING BACKSTORIES - The Star is on the case : ’Were you one of Dr Alex’s 30 lovers? Contact us on news@dailystar.co.uk’...but is anyone going to own up? There would have to be a substantial incentive to grass oneself up…
RULE OF THREE - LoveIslander refers you to the fountain of all knowledge that is Urban Dictionary : ’When asking someone about the number of sexual partners they’ve had MULTIPLY a woman’s answer by 3, ’cause ladies don’t wanna seem like the slut. When a man answers DIVIDE his number by 3 because he wants to seem like a player’
Urban Dictionary

 
AND YOUR POINT IS? - Deborah Ross deconstructs Love Island in The Times : ’The show, in a nutshell : super-buff twentysomethings with ripped abs and augmented breasts and all the rest hang out on a sunny island where they have to hook up or go home, essentially’. What about the psycho-sexual meta-meanings, Debs? OMG! Have you heard the latest about Samira?
FALLBACK - Dr Alex’s fallback scenario could be to re-kindle his non-relationship with Samira in a sort of ’coupling of convenience’ for both parties...hold up, Samira’s only gone and quit in order to follow her heart / Frankie. Alex assessing his remaining options
SHE’S COMING HOME - ’The football isnt coming home but our girl is! Coming out to follow her heart and get her man!’ : missjay180992 msg ’Was frankie waiting ????’



Samira Mighty Instagram

 
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